I started reading Ecclesiastes during my porch time on May 5 when my church started a sermon series on the book. Of course, they always move through it much faster than I do. But the timing was interesting.

At the end of April, I had an unexpected transition out of the position I held the previous year. Depression was knocking at the door, and I often wondered if Ecclesiastes was really the best book for me to be reading during this season of wandering.

It turns out that the book was exactly what I needed, as I’m sure God knew all along. For the past five years, I had been pushing and striving for a certain level in my career. For five years, I struggled through hiring seasons and sending applications into the ethernet and hearing nothing in return. I could count on one hand the number of interviews I had for the type of position I was striving for. Last year was the closest I had been to reaching my goals. But this book put all the striving into perspective: it was VANITY.

What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?

Ecclesiastes 1:3

In the end, whether I got the position I wanted or not, the end result was the same – vanity and a striving after the wind. I was reminded how difficult it was to harness or control the wind at my daughter’s graduation party. We put up a large white tent and I watched the wind come through the yard and beat down on the top of it. I watched the wind topple the balloon arch we had spent hours building. Nothing could be done to control, manage, or block the wind – it was vanity to try.

For years, I was trying to control things, people, and circumstances I could not seem to manage. It was all a striving after the wind.

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after the wind.

Ecclesiastes 4:6

I felt in a new way the reality of what I have learned over the years: my identity is not in what I do. All through the months of May and June, God reminded me that I belonged to him, and nothing would ever change that. In fact, he asked me to speak that truth in front of a bunch of women at a retreat. Then he made me walk it out in my own life. I am not my title or my position; I am a beloved daughter of the King. Princesses don’t twist their hands and worry about what is going to happen next. They know that the King has everything under control. So the Princess eats and drinks and enjoys whatever work the King gives to her that day.

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil.

Ecclesiastes 2:24

Most summers I force myself to find work to do. I take on extra paid writing projects. I work extra projects at school. I make plans for the following school year. I plan and manage fun things for my kids. But this summer I had none of those things to do, even if I wanted to.

This summer is almost like a sabbatical. I am between school districts and positions. My girls are working, making their own money and finding their own fun. And they are both driving. They don’t even need my Uber services. So all of that leaves me to find enjoyment in the tasks of the day – no matter how big or how small. No matter how useful or productive.

So I set my mind to enjoy, and not despise, the work God gives me to do each day. Many days it is laundry, cleaning, and cooking. One day it was speaking with a group of 10th grade girls at Beach Camp after the final session. One day it was singing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” to a group of preschoolers in Moldova on a hot, summer afternoon. Some days there are house projects and appointments. Some days it is writing one of four books God gave me to work on in my writing life.

My time in Ecclesiastes reminded me that the work or position you hold in life doesn’t matter at all. Everyone has the same ending: death. Most of us will be forgotten by those who come after us. Instead of finding this depressing, I found it very freeing. All of the pressure to do well and succeed was off. I can focus on doing the things I enjoy. I am free to work on finishing the book projects I had been putting off.

Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.

Ecclesiastes 12:13

Last week I finished the book of Ecclesiastes. Solomon’s conclusion at the end was to fear God and keep his commandments. The king who had more wisdom and knowledge than anyone. The king who had access to all of the pleasures of the world. The powerful king of Israel who attracted rulers from all over the world. This was how he summarized the meaning and purpose of life as he came to the end of his own. This is simple. I think I can do this. If I get to end of my life and can say that I feared God and kept his commandments, it will be a life well lived.